


Kosher Dill

by mrstotten



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies), Supernatural, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Implied Incest, Implied Slash, M/M, hardest prompt EVER
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 11:46:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrstotten/pseuds/mrstotten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a routine hunt Sam and Dean come across some people a little more unusual than the normal things that go bump in the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kosher Dill

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the ever wonderful autumn_lilacs for her birthday. She requested a crossover between Supernatural, Terminator the Sarah Conner Chronicles and Boondock Saints with a side appearance of pickles. This is crack with a side dose of normal and should not be taken seriously, the timelines are buggered I have no idea where or when or what time it is, I refuse to try and fit this into Terminator time frame because it would hurt my brain, so please just go with it :) thanks and hugs to the awesome veritas_st and meerkat007 for listening to me fret and worry and ask repeated questions :)

Dean Winchester had been involved in more than a few shitty fucked up situations, but he had to admit that this one so far was a prize. They had headed to Youngstown, Ohio on what should have been a routine job. But somewhere along the line a simple case of wiping out a bunch of reanimating zombies had turned into him and Sam teaming up with two psychotic Irish guys, looking for a kid who apparently was going to save the world who was protected by a war hero from the future and a freaking cyborg and saving them from the reanimating zombie which was in fact another cyborg. You couldn't make this shit up. On the upside he had found a Walmart that sold Kosher Pickles, he had no idea what made them Kosher but he knew they were the best damn dill pickles he had ever tasted.

“You realise those things are disgusting right?” Dean turned to glare at his brother who at that precise moment was looking at him with a mixture of confusion and disgust. “No seriously Dean, the only people who voluntarily eat those things are pregnant women and….no actually I’ve got nothing after pregnant women.”

Ignoring his brother, Dean bit into the pickle, smiling at Sam’s look of disgust. Yeah he wasn’t sure why or how but he was pretty much sure this was all Sam’s fault.

~*~

It had all started on their third day, their trail finally leading them to an abandoned warehouse a few miles out of town. 

“You sure this is the place?” Dean asked Sam surveying the warehouse, the thing was disused and looked like it hadn’t been habituated by anyone living or dead for months.

“According to Bobby it is,“ Sam answered as they headed towards the opposite side of the warehouse. It took less than a minute for things to turn ugly, the first of the bullets flying past Dean’s ear and narrowly missing Sam before they found cover behind some crates and tried to locate the direction of the gunfire. It seemed to be coming from two different directions, controlled gunfire from the north of the room, the aim steady and controlled, totally at odds with the haphazard hail of gunfire coming from the east side. What was even more confusing was that the gunfire wasn’t aimed at just them, it didn’t take Dean long to realise that they were all firing at each other and it was going to take a god damned miracle to get them out of this one.

Almost as soon as he thought the words he sensed the rustle and displacement in the air that told him that one way or another his prayers had been answered. In less than a minute they were back in the motel room, Castiel staring at them as if they had grown two heads.

“Why were you fighting with the brothers? Wait it doesn't matter, stay here.”

“Wait, wait wait,” Dean interrupted, “What brothers? Cas what the..” Before Dean could get anything else out, Castiel had vanished as quick as he appeared.

Sam sighed and sank onto the nearest chair whilst Dean let loose with as many swear words as he could think of. He was in the middle of questioning the legitimacy of Cas’s parentage, when he reappeared again, this time with two men, one supporting the other as blood seeped from a gaping hole in his stomach. 

Almost instinctively, Dean went to help lower the man onto the bed, before being confronted by the wrong end of a Glock 9mm.

“How about you stay the fook away from me brother?” The rough voice may have voiced his words as a question but there was no doubt that he had just been given an order. Dean tensed himself for a fight as he saw Sam raise himself from the chair, putting himself at Dean’s left, ready to defend or attack when needed.

“That’s enough Conner,” Castiel’s voice brooked no argument. “I wouldn’t have brought you somewhere that you weren’t safe. Dean and Sam are friends.”

The man, Conner removed the gun from Dean’s face and absently scratched his chin with it as if considering Castiel's words. The groan from the man between them seemed to force his hand and he shifted, the gun quickly stowed away in a place that Dean would never have considered whatever the circumstances, all of the man's concentration was now on the other man. As they lowered the man onto the bed, Conner cradled his head carefully, soft words whispered in an almost soothing voice, which in itself was disconcerting, but it was the content that caused Dean to pause.

“Fooking told you before Murph, you stupid fooking eejit, what the fook were you thinking, you’re not bulletproof.”

“That fooking she devil was going to shoot you,” the wounded man, Murphy replied his voice weak and raspy.

“That doesn’t mean you stand in the way of the bullet little brother,” Conner replied, his voice soft, worried.

“Less of the fooking little,” Murphy growled. “Two minutes and forty seconds doesn’t make you older.”

“Well technically little brother it does,” Conner replied simply, the sardonic smile at odds with the gentle hands pushing his brothers hair softly away from his face.

Dean sympathy started to shift, surveying the two men on the bed with different eyes.

“Conner,” Castiel pushed gently at Conner’s shoulder, “Let me try and help.” Dean watched silently as Castiel did his Mr Miaghi magic. Murphy’s breathing seemed easier almost instantly. Dean took a step back at Conner’s whispered ‘Thank you’.

Dean nodded at Sam as the three of them headed over to the other side of the hotel room, trying to give the brothers as much privacy as you could give in a $30 a night motel room.

“What the hell is going on Cas,” Dean asked in a whispered undertone. “What was going on back there, who are those guys and why did you bring them here?”

“They are brothers,” Castiel replied.

“Yeah we got that,” Sam added. “Why are they here? What do they have to do with our case?”

“Nothing,” Castiel stated simply. They are soldiers, doing god’s work, they were, shall we say a little misguided. I went to them, explained some things and for the last couple of months they have been working with me.”

“What the hell was the she devil they were talking about.”

“It’s a devil that’s a female,” an aggravated voice broke in. Turning Dean could see Murphy coming towards them. Although his pallor was far better, he was still favouring his left side but Dean was unable to determine if that was from an earlier injury.

“Yeah we get the definition,” Dean replied. “What I mean is, there is no such thing.”

“Course there fooking is, I was just shot by one,” Murphy argued.

“Well to be fair it was the kid with her that actually shot you, you know the one that looked about twelve.” Conner smirked at the look of outrage on his brothers face. 

“The fook it was,” Murphy retorted. “It was that fooking she devil.”

“She devil?” Dean mouthed at Castiel with a smirk.

“She wasn’t a she devil,” Castiel confirmed firmly, his look warning Dean not to keep pushing.

“The hell she wasn’t I saw her with me own two eyes,” Murphy argued. The impassive look on Castiel’s face and his brother’s look of furious reproach seemed to make him reconsider his words.

“What my brother was trying to say while addressing an angel of our fooking Lord is that he thinks the girl was some sort of demon.”

“Yeah that,” Murphy relented. “She was a fooking demon.”

It was hard for Dean to make out anything but the words fuck and demon with their thick accents, but going by the fact that one of them had been shot and they seemed to be far more pro angel than demon, Dean decided that, for now at least, he would trust them.

“So she was a demon?” Sam asked finally breaking into the conversation, his almost combative stance still at Dean’s right showing that he wasn’t as ready as his brother to start trusting strangers.

“No,” Castiel answered, his gaze moving from both sets of brothers as if unsure which way to proceed.

“So what was she?” Dean said, growing more confused. “Vampire? Shapeshifter? Djinn? Witch? she was a bloddy witch wasn’t she? Damn, I hate witches.”

“What in the blazes is your friend going on about Castiel, witches”

“What the fook is a Djinn?”

“None of the above,” Castiel answered ignoring Murphy and Conner’s questions. “She was a cyborg.”

Dean closed his eyes, shook his head almost hoping that when he reopened his eyes, the two crazy brothers would have disappeared and Castiel wouldn’t be talking about cyborgs.

“A cyborg?” Sam asked, his tone of voice letting Dean know he was right there with him on the insanity of their current situation.

“I need a pickle,” Dean said heading to the fridge, ignoring Sam’s sigh he pulled out his jar of Dill pickles and fished one out. Continuing to ignore Sam’s look of disgust he headed back over to Cas.

“Sn mpww s cmorf dnf n hiioo”

Castiel looked at the pieces of dill pickles flying from Dean’s mouth as he mumbled before turning to Sam. 

“I think what Dean is trying to say through his mouthful of fermented veg is what is a cyborg doing in Ohio.”

“You understood that?” Conner asked with a baffled look on his face.

“Better than he understood you,” Dean said indignantly before digging out another pickle. “Do we have any carrots?” he directed his question at Sam who continued to ignore his brothers new found interest in vegetables.

“I think what Dean is trying to ask Cas, is….”

“What the fuck is going on and why do we now have a cyborg on our ass?” Dean cut in, his mouth now empty.

“Well that’s sort of a long story,” Castiel began. 

Dean and Sam eyed up the brothers standing in front of them. Their backs straightening, each member of the room appearing to grow several inches in a few seconds, Dean wasn’t worried, it would take a Sasquatch to beat Sam.

“Hey don’t know about our friends here Cas, but we’ve got time.”

~*~

Several rounds of coffee and two jars of pickles later Dean was now privy to the confusing and somewhat terrifying past of the McManus brothers. At present he was trying to hold off judgement, he was more than aware of what the local friendly psychiatrist would make of him and Sam and their chequered past. 

He had also been brought up to speed on the cyborg, and her charge, the young boy who was meant to save the world. I mean seriously, sometimes Dean thought he had seen it all, but a kid and a metal robot taking on the might of a computer that would someday take over the world, a kid falling in love with that same metal machine that he was raised to destroy. A warrior sent from the future who then becomes the kids dad, not to mention the parallel timelines Cas had went on about until Sam told him to stop because they were hurting his head. I mean seriously what kind of mind comes up with that shit?

Flipping through his book, he listened to Sam lay out their plan of attack, well more subdue, as Castiel had made it clear that no one could hurt the boy, they were to convince them they were here to help and then take down the other robot that was here to kill the kid.

Dean watched as the McManus brothers cleaned their weapons with an almost religious fervour. It kinda freaked him out the way they reacted to Cas, the almost hero worship in their gaze, but not as much as their own relationship freaked him out. They seemed almost to be two halves of the one whole, maybe it came from being twins, but they worked in tandem, their moves complimenting each other, speaking with almost wordless communications, their hands comfortable and easy on each other’s bodies, as if there was no area that had gone undiscovered.

“Hey Cas, you know how douche angel was feeding people all that horseshit about us being erotically co dependant?” Dean smirked as Castiel turned to him, his mind clearly still on whatever he had been reading in the dusty old book he had dug out from the middle ages of Mordor.

“Yeah well I think he was talking about those two." Dean nodded his head at the two brothers, his smirk widening to a smile at the disgruntled glare they threw his way.

Castiel raised his eyebrows his eyes moving to where Conner and Murphy had been standing arguing over which shiny black gun they were going to stick down their trousers, their shoulders bumping comfortably together, then back to Dean and Sam. 

All of a sudden Dean was acutely away of how close Sam was sitting, the space between their bodies barely a hairsbreadth."

Castiel smiled as if sensing Dean's thoughts. "To be honest," Castiel replied. "I'm finding it harder and harder to tell the difference.

Dean snorted and went back to his book, it would be a miracle if they all got out of this alive so it was probably not the best time to piss of the angel on their shoulder. Reaching for his jar he sent up a prayer to anyone listening that the situation didn't blow up and cause them all to be killed. The quicker they got this mess sorted and got the hell away from Cas’s new pet projects, the better, although he had to admit as he absentmindedly chewed, he would miss the pickles.


End file.
